Open Letter to Daniel Snyder

Dear Dan,

We’ve never met before, but I wanted to send you this personal note anyway.

My name is Dr. Mark Roberts and I am a fantasy football expert. Recently, I have been prescribing meds to all my patients in the Northern Virginia and Maryland/DC area because they are nauseous watching your Redskins play this season.

Dan…times are hard now for Doctors. No one knows what President Obama's new insurance plan exactly means to medical professionals. So, I am coming to you to see about a job.

Let’s be honest…your team SUCKS! Your QB is a confused mess, your running game is getting older and slower by the minute, and your young WR have below average ability. Thank God for Chris Cooley and your kicker, Shaun Suisham…without them it could be ugly. Kudos to you for getting Albert Haynesworth in the off-season. He is a monster and certainly looks like he is having a good effect on your young defensive studs, LaRon Landry and Brian Orakpo.

Here is what I am proposing: I will do for you what Bill James has done for MLB teams. Let me guide the Skins from the shambles they are in to respectability. Now look, I know you have like a bazillion dollars and you are chomping at the bit to offer half of the Isle of Togo to get either Jon Gruden or Mike Shanahan to coach for you. I’ll make you a better offer. I will take $5,000 for every game we win in the first year. How can you beat that, Dan? I am practically working for free (still have to feed the kidos at home though).

Credentials, you ask? I have been playing fantasy football for years and have won my league now four years running. I even picked up Miles Austin this week before he had his big game. Another one of my sleepers was Jermichael Finley. He carried me to a victory the other week. Can your front office guys predict that? I know how to make lopsided trades, and am all over the waiver wire looking for the next great pickups. Do your guys do that? I don’t think so otherwise you would never have Devon Thomas and Malcolm Kelly on your roster.

You had a real chance this season, Dan, considering your schedule had the worst teams in football on it. But, you blew it and have lost to most of them. Tell me…what’s gonna happen when the schedule gets tougher?

Dan, I promise you that we can bring respectability back to the Nation’s capital. Hogs, Smurfs, you name it, we’ll have it all. Just stop with the madness and give me a call. I’ll let you call collect if it makes you feel better…

Your future employee,
Mark Roberts M.D.

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Dan, if you are reading this:

a) welcome to our blog
b) you’re a moron
c) call Dr. Roberts
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Have a Fantasy Football or Baseball question? Want to know who to pick up, who to activate and who the hot prospects are? Ask Dr. Roto. Let Dr. Roto guide your team to a league championship.

Dallas Win Means Absolutely Nothing

Some people love to say, “a win is a win” no matter who you beat. That expression definitely works sometimes (not for the Redskins fans after their 9-7 win over the Rams in week 2 of course).

Well, not this time. Dallas squeezed out a victory in overtime against the winless Kansas City Chiefs and Jerry Jones looked like he was ready to break out the champagne with his buddies.

Some writers and analysts have already said that this win will provide the confidence boost that the Cowboys desperately need. I just don’t understand that point of view.

Yes, Tony Romo (the most overrated quarterback in the league) threw for 351 yards and two touchdowns. He also astonishingly did not throw any interceptions. Miles Austin had a field day in Arrowhead Stadium, catching 10 passes for a career-high 250 yards and two touchdowns, including the game-winning touchdown in overtime.

But those aspects of the game were the only bright spots for Dallas.

A game like that for Romo should be expected against a very weak Kansas City secondary. And by the way, Romo made some terrible passes to wide-open receivers that could have put the game away. He also fumbled the ball on Dallas’ own 16-yard line that led to a Mike Vrabel touchdown reception.

Don’t forget about the 13 penalties the Cowboys made that cost them 90 yards. Don’t forget about the two fumbles the Cowboys lost, including a muffed punt, to put the Chiefs in amazing field position. Don’t forget about Nick Folk’s missed field goal from just 40 yards out.

And what happened to Dallas’ scary running game? The Cowboys ran the ball 23 times between Marion Barber and Tashard Choice. Choice actually played well, rushing for 92 yards on just eight carries, but Barber did absolutely nothing.

And it’s not like the Dallas defense completely shut down the Chiefs. The Cowboys defense allowed Matt Cassel to throw for 253 yards and two touchdowns. The Chiefs gained a total of 304 yards and a game-tying touchdown pass to Dwayne Bowe with just 24 seconds left in regulation. Even the time of possession was pretty even throughout the game.

The point is that the Chiefs have not won a game for a reason. The several miscues and horribly executed plays by Dallas outweigh the close victory over a winless team. Who really thinks Miles Austin is going to put up numbers like that on a consistent basis? Does anyone honestly believe the Cowboys are going to be good without a healthy Marion Barber? I just don’t see it.

Dallas can certainly play well enough to beat teams like the Chiefs, Buccaneers and Panthers (combined record of 1-13). But the Dallas defense has proven that just about anyone can move the ball down the field on them. Tony Romo has proven he is nowhere close to being one of the better starting quarterbacks in the NFL. And the Cowboys have proven that they are mediocre at best.

So here is my advice to Jerry Jones: It’s only week 5. Stop celebrating. A win over the Chiefs means nothing. - Michael Klopman

Have a Fantasy Football or Baseball question? Want to know who to pick up, who to activate and who the hot prospects are? Ask Dr. Roto. Let Dr. Roto guide your team to a league championship.