News, introspective, insight & opinion from around the NFL & NCAA

News, introspective, insight & opinion from around the NFL & NCAA

Saturday, October 17, 2009

Open Letter to Daniel Snyder

Dear Dan,

We’ve never met before, but I wanted to send you this personal note anyway.

My name is Dr. Mark Roberts and I am a fantasy football expert. Recently, I have been prescribing meds to all my patients in the Northern Virginia and Maryland/DC area because they are nauseous watching your Redskins play this season.

Dan…times are hard now for Doctors. No one knows what President Obama's new insurance plan exactly means to medical professionals. So, I am coming to you to see about a job.

Let’s be honest…your team SUCKS! Your QB is a confused mess, your running game is getting older and slower by the minute, and your young WR have below average ability. Thank God for Chris Cooley and your kicker, Shaun Suisham…without them it could be ugly. Kudos to you for getting Albert Haynesworth in the off-season. He is a monster and certainly looks like he is having a good effect on your young defensive studs, LaRon Landry and Brian Orakpo.

Here is what I am proposing: I will do for you what Bill James has done for MLB teams. Let me guide the Skins from the shambles they are in to respectability. Now look, I know you have like a bazillion dollars and you are chomping at the bit to offer half of the Isle of Togo to get either Jon Gruden or Mike Shanahan to coach for you. I’ll make you a better offer. I will take $5,000 for every game we win in the first year. How can you beat that, Dan? I am practically working for free (still have to feed the kidos at home though).

Credentials, you ask? I have been playing fantasy football for years and have won my league now four years running. I even picked up Miles Austin this week before he had his big game. Another one of my sleepers was Jermichael Finley. He carried me to a victory the other week. Can your front office guys predict that? I know how to make lopsided trades, and am all over the waiver wire looking for the next great pickups. Do your guys do that? I don’t think so otherwise you would never have Devon Thomas and Malcolm Kelly on your roster.

You had a real chance this season, Dan, considering your schedule had the worst teams in football on it. But, you blew it and have lost to most of them. Tell me…what’s gonna happen when the schedule gets tougher?

Dan, I promise you that we can bring respectability back to the Nation’s capital. Hogs, Smurfs, you name it, we’ll have it all. Just stop with the madness and give me a call. I’ll let you call collect if it makes you feel better…

Your future employee,
Mark Roberts M.D.

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Dan, if you are reading this:

a) welcome to our blog
b) you’re a moron
c) call Dr. Roberts
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Have a Fantasy Football or Baseball question? Want to know who to pick up, who to activate and who the hot prospects are? Ask Dr. Roto. Let Dr. Roto guide your team to a league championship.
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1 comment:

  1. can you believe a girl is reading about fantasy football. lol


    my mandie reed

    ReplyDelete

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